Thursday, January 27, 2011

Selfishly Motivated, but Motivated Nonetheless

My babysitter is sick.  She's been in and out of the hospital for the last month.  She's finally on the mend, I think, but we've thought that before.  I hope she really is better this time.

I feel terrible.

Try as I might, I can't seem to make her illness about her and not about me.

I feel terrible that she is sick too.  That goes without saying.  But, does it?  Therein lies the problem.

The last few weeks have been exhausting trying to come up with creative solutions for childcare.  I have crisscrossed the city countless times for all the extra pick-ups and drop-offs.  I have called in favors and whined and lost sleep (lots of sleep) and failed to complete my assignments for school and let the housework slide and generally just felt frazzled and frustrated.  It's not helped that I have hundreds of pages to read each week.  Or that the weather is being uncooperative -- today it took 2 hours to go 5 miles -- I do not exaggerate.

And, yet.

And, yet, as much of a logistical nightmare this has been, I am not lying in a hospital bed.  I am able-bodied and mobile and nothing is uncomfortably stuck in and/or taped to my skin.  The fact that I have to keep reminding myself of this is embarrassing.  Shameful, really.

She's not sick on purpose, of course.  But, she is sick and therefore out of commission.  Our life, I've discovered, revolves around her.  And, without her, comes to a grinding halt.  Kenny has taken lots of time off, too much, probably.  I've been late to class and other things -- for the record, I loathe tardiness.

And, poor Isaac.  Trying to potty train in the midst of being shuffled between Mommy, Daddy, pinch-hitting babysitters and non-kid friendly venues has proven too much for our unflappable Isaac.  He is most definitely flapped and has the multiple changes of clothing each day as proof.

I don't want to hire someone new.  Our current sitter is a dream.  Plus, I know her.  And, I love her.  But, I need her and one more week like this one (yes, I realize it is only Wednesday) and I may as well quit my program.  I'm already so far behind, I may never catch up.  I'm praying for her full recovery and soon.  Yes, my prayers are somewhat selfishly motivated...but, nevertheless, I'm praying.  Surely that counts for something?


the wrath of khandrea said...

this is realistic and honest. and you will find a solution,one way or the other.

hang in there!!

Lauren in GA said...

I agree with Andrea. Truly a realistic and honest post.

I hope your babysitter is felling better soon.

The Songer said...

I hear you on this! Good Luck with School and the juggling of everything else! Hope your babysitter gets well soon.......for both your sakes.


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