When we discovered we were expecting a baby, I was thrilled. Not just because we wanted another child, but because that meant I was going to get a 3 month reprieve from Chavezland -- Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas in the US of A sounded too good to be true. And, as it turns out, it was.
Of course I was/am sad about the baby and what might of been, but truly, I was/am mad. I wanted those 3 months (not away from Kenny) but away from Hugo and his increasing craziness. I wanted my boys to go trick-or-treating with kids who wore costumes and said "trick-or-treat" instead of hanging out with kids in street clothes carrying pillowcases and yelling "Halloween." I wanted Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings instead of having to make-do with mail-order ingredients. I wanted to play in the snow and go for walks on actual sidewalks and eat sour cream and cottage cheese. I wanted to go Christmas caroling with our new baby girl bundled up in a fuzzy, pink snowsuit and watch "The Sound of Music" and "It's a Wonderful Life" on network television for the millionth time. I wanted all of that, and so much more and I still do.
October is coming and I'm worried. I'm worried that I haven't dealt with the baby as well as I think I have. I'm worried that when we're still here when we weren't supposed to be I won't be as "okay" as I think I am. Mostly, I'm worried that I am not as pragmatic or rational as I give myself credit for being. My kids deserve not to have these fears realized so I have taken some dramatic steps. I have begun what I call "project embrace Venezuela." We have gotten out the guide book, there is only one, and scoured it for everything and anything that sounds remotely fun. We have already embarked on a few of these adventures and though we've had mixed results, we are feeling a little more friendly towards our current home. We are becoming scuba certified and planning a Thanksgiving trip to Bonaire, purportedly the best scuba diving locale in the world. We have decided to spend Christmas in the US after all and I am ecstatic with anticipation. And, perhaps most dramatic of all, I have taken a job with the US Embassy.
I never planned to work after we had kids, at least not until they were old enough to be in school full-time. But, I came back from UT and knew I needed a distraction. Working for the man is just about what I expected it would be, but I am enjoying the adult interaction and the feeling that I am contributing to the US Government's diplomatic mission in Caracas. The unexpected drawback to the job (apart from the salary - this is definitely not a get rich quick scheme) is that the Department of State blocks blogger.com so I have been silent in my commenting and posting, though I continue to read all my favorites. Another drawback is that I miss my boys, but I love coming home to them and losing myself in the excitement of our reunion. My position is thankfully not full-time, but I think the job and my renewed determination to embrace this country is having the desired effect and if I'm lucky, October will ease quietly into our lives devoid of sadness and self-pity.
Gratuitous photos of come cool kids