Friday, February 18, 2011

A Long Overdue Introduction


My name's regular exercise.  And you are? 


Nice to meet you, Linsey.  I've been wondering when we would finally become acquainted. 

I wish I could say the same. 

Wow, that's not very nice.  After all, we just met, maybe you could at least give me a chance before you write me off completely?

Right.  But, here's the thing, we've met before, several times in fact and I don't remember those meetings being anything but painful.  In fact, I'm still harboring some serious resentment, obviously.  

Are you sure those weren't just brief encounters, like you were a submarine and I was a battleship sharing the same ocean as we passed silently in the night? 


I mean, did you really give me a chance or did you just do a once-over and move on? 

Well...I like to think I give everyone a fair shot to make a great first impression, and really, you didn't.  I always had a pounding headache afterward and needed a shower.  That doesn't sound like a great beginning to me. 

I've been told I can take some time to warm up to.  But, once you do, we'll be true friends, BFFs even.  Don't you want a BFF? 

Um, no, what am I, 12?  I'm more in the market for kindred spirits.  What do you think, are there any circumstances under which you could be a kindred spirit? 

I can!  I know I can!  Just give me a chance to show you.  What have you go to lose? 

I think the better question is, what have I got to gain? 

Is that a serious question or are you just being obtuse (behavior, by the way, that is beneath you)?  Let's be honest, you know what I can offer you.  And, you have everything to gain from this relationship.  But, it's up to you.  I can't force you to love me.  

Alright, enough with the guilt trip, what do I have to do? 

Well, we should start by getting together a few times a week.   

A few times a week?!?!  Are you familiar with my schedule?  More importantly, are you crazy? 

Shh, pay attention, I'm not done yet.  First, let's not pretend that you are any busier than anyone else, okay?  Second, you'll want to wear comfortable clothing and bring a towel.  Some of my friends also like water bottles.  Some of my better friends swear by i-pods with special playlists.  But, that might be too advanced for you? 

Oh, is that a challenge?  I'm totally making a playlist too!

Finally, the fun stuff, we get moving.  Cardio first then some strength training.  We'll sprinkle in some ab crunches and leg presses here and there too.  You'll love it.  What do you think?

What do I think?  UGH!  But, I will not be accused of being judgmental and dismissive.  So, I guess, I'm in.

YEA!  One more thing, in the interest of full disclosure, you should know you'll have to get up before dawn, our meetings will be in a place that doesn't smell as nice as it could and the headaches might come back.  But, I promise if you stick with me, even these obstacles to our friendship will pale in comparison to the long-term benefits.  Did you hear that?  I PROMISE!

I knew it!  There's always a catch!  So, how long do I have to do this before I can write you off for good?


I'm just saying, what if being kindred spirits isn't in our future?

This is a ridiculous exercise, but if you insist, 1 month.  1 month I can do.  And then, if I never see you again, we're square right?  No writing derogatory messages about me on bathroom walls?  No notes to my doctor tattling on me?  No threats about osteoporosis or chronic fatigue?




Why so flip?

Because, Linsey, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Okay, okay.  But if this is going to work, that kind of corniness has to stop! 

1 month later


You might have been on to something.

I'm sorry, what was that?


Kindred spirits forever?

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think so.   Mind you, I'm still not wild about the 5am wake-up calls, but the headaches are dissipating and the smell isn't as bad as I thought it would be. 

I knew it! See you tomorrow?

See you tomorrow. 


Lauren in GA said...

You are so clever. I loved this...

I laughed when I read, "Are you sure those weren't just brief encounters, like you were a submarine and I was a battleship sharing the same ocean as we passed silently in the night?"

and your response was,


...good stuff here, really good stuff.

Lindsey said...

I need to do that. . . oy.

Z. Marie said...

This is awesome! Wish I could say I'm a kindred spirit, too.

Alisha said...

Oh. Exercise. What a love/hate relationship.


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